


Inside and Out

by ami_ven



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: F/M, Genderswap, M/M, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-03
Updated: 2014-09-03
Packaged: 2018-02-15 23:35:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2247594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ami_ven/pseuds/ami_ven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney is temporarily a woman, but John doesn’t know if their relationship can survive him turning back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Inside and Out

The first time, in his entire life, that John got the urge to kiss another man, he did it, sliding his hand behind Rodney’s neck to pull him into a long, slow kiss. Rodney froze for a moment almost too short for John to register before kissing him back, one hand twisted into the back of John’s t-shirt, the other resting flat across his shoulder blades.

When they broke for air, Rodney just looked at him, for a long moment. “Oh,” he breathed.

John knew that look, the one where he knew Rodney was taking in a thousand different data points and combining them into one grand theory.

“Oh,” Rodney said again, still breathless. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” said John, not really sure what he was asking.

“Yeah,” Rodney agreed, and tugged John in the direction of his bed.

John kissed him again, and went.

He came back to himself a little while later, with Rodney snug against his back, snoring softly, and John just lay still, feeling the shift of muscles as Rodney breathed. He had half-expected that he’d be having some kind of sexual-identity freak-out, but he felt oddly… peaceful, if a bit sore in places.

John didn’t think he was gay, at least not entirely. But then, he’d thought he didn’t like to be touched a lot during sex, but he hadn’t been able to get enough of Rodney’s hands on his skin. So maybe Rodney was just the exception to all his previous rules.

He was just about to roll closer and go back to sleep when both of their radios began blaring loudly.

“Sheppard here,” he said, to the sergeant on duty in the ‘gate room, trying to find his pants. “On my way.”

“…and don’t touch anything until I get there!” Rodney was yelling at someone else, looking for his clothes, too.

“Here,” said John, handing Rodney his shirt.

He pulled it on. “I was really hoping for morning sex,” Rodney grumbled, then froze. “I, um, unless this wasn’t… if it was only—”

John kissed him, briefly. “Round two, as soon as we get this fixed,” he promised.

“Great,” said Rodney, grinning. “See you back here in twenty minutes?”

He didn’t end up seeing Rodney for eleven hours— although John _heard_ him the entire time, ordering him from one end of the city to the other, to activate things with his gene— when John caught him and pulled them both into a mostly-empty supply closet.

“Sheppard—” Rodney began, but John interrupted him with a kiss, and he finished, “Okay.”

John kissed him again, a string of kisses, each one longer and deeper. One hand curved around Rodney’s jaw, feeling the rasp of stubble on his fingers, and pulled Rodney closer, but he had no idea what to do with the other one. His hand skimmed, hesitantly, along Rodney’s side, until the scientist made an annoyed sound into their kiss and pulled back far enough to get his own hands between them.

“You’re lucky I find that lazy slouch attractive, Sheppard,” he muttered, somehow working to undo both their belts at the same time. “Or I’d be complaining.”

“You _are_ complaining,” John said, grinning.

Rodney ignored him. “And this does not count as round two. When we’re done fixing this, you still owe me one.”

“Okay,” agreed John.

*

Really, John thought, Rodney wasn’t any more delicate as a woman than he had been as a man. He still had broad shoulders, but now they were a bit more balanced by fairly good-sized breasts, and a much narrower waist. His hair was still short, but his lips were fuller, making his scowl look more like a pout than he’d ever managed before. His fingers, as John caught his hand, were more slender, but still callused in all the same places.

He was _Rodney_ , just in a female body, and John let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “You’re going to be fine, Rodney,” he said.

“Fine?” Rodney repeated, his voice now a pleasant alto. “What part of this are you not getting, Sheppard? I’m a woman! I have _breasts_! I have—”

“Ah, Rodney,” said Carson, coming around the curtain with a clipboard in his hands. “Colonel, can you give us a moment?”

John started to slide from the gurney, but Rodney’s grip on his hand tightened.

“He stays,” Rodney said, looking at Carson.

“All right,” Carson agreed. He didn’t know about their relationship, but it hadn’t been anything odd for them, even before. “You’re perfectly healthy, Rodney.”

“What? Carson—”

“Yes, Rodney, you’re a woman. But a completely healthy one. Aside from a few chemical traces in your blood, a few hormones and enzymes, I’d never have been able to tell that you were a man yesterday.”

“But he _is_ okay?” John asked.

“Oh, aye,” agreed Carson. “I’m putting you on light duty for the rest of the week— don’t give me that look, lad, it’s only two days— to give you some time to adjust. Your center of gravity is different, at the very least. Take a walk around the city. Have a chat with Teyla. Let the colonel take you to the shooting range, and I’ll clear you for regular duty.”

“What?” Rodney said again. “You want to send me off-world looking like this?”

“I don’t see why not,” said Carson. “You’re perfectly healthy, as I may have mentioned, so there’s no reason you can’t continue all of your duties.”

“Besides, Teyla goes off-world all the time,” John added.

Rodney scowled at him. “Yes, but she’s always been female. She’s used to it.”

“Colonel,” said Carson, in the tone that said _Quit bickering_. “Would you see if Nurse Jeffers has returned? She’s about the same size as Rodney is now, and she’s offered to lend him a few things.”

John squeezed Rodney’s hand and let go. “Sure,” he said, but glanced questioningly back at Rodney. 

The scientist waved him away. “Go, Sheppard. I’ve already been poked and prodded within an inch of my life. What else can he possibly do to me?”

“Sure,” John said, again. 

He found Lieutenant Jeffers in the outer infirmary, and she seemed completely unembarrassed to hand her CO an armful of clothes topped with lace-trimmed underwear. John was still holding the pile when Rodney came back out from behind the curtain. He’d gotten scrubs in his new size, but he’d put his jacket back on over them, and John realized just how much smaller Rodney was as a woman. On the planet, he’d been too worried to really look, more concerned with finding out if Rodney was okay than admiring the curve of his shoulder or the slant of his fuller lips.

“Yes, fine,” Rodney huffed, interrupting John’s thoughts. “I’m not that attractive as a woman. And if you’re going to stare, Colonel Tactless, the least you can do is carry all this stuff back to my room.”

“You’re not—” John began, but the infirmary was not the right place for that conversation, and he sighed. “Okay.”

They didn’t talk on the way to Rodney’s room, and John dumped the armload of clothes on Rodney’s desk chair.

“You need anything else?” he asked. Rodney hesitated, and he frowned. “What?”

“I, um…” said Rodney. “Carson… after you left, he gave me something else. Um, some kind of birth control, in case I, well, and I was wondering— I was _hoping_ … maybe you could…”

“Oh, hell, yes,” said John, and kissed him. “Anything you want.”

Rodney grinned, and tugged him toward the bed.

*

“Wow,” said Rodney, flopping back onto the pillow. “I— you— wow.”

John didn’t bother to hide his smug grin at having reduced the smartest person in two galaxies to one-syllable words. “Yeah,” he agreed.

Rodney smacked his shoulder, then rolled closer. “If I wasn’t feeling so relaxed, I’d get back at you for that.”

“Hmm,” said John.

“Still,” Rodney said, thoughtfully. “As good as this was, I can hardly base a conclusion on one set of data.”

“Oh,” said John. The only two times they’d had sex before (one-and-a-half, if you asked Rodney) had been hurried, fueled by adrenaline and not being dead. They’d never even talked about it, let alone about being in any kind of relationship. So it made perfect sense that Rodney would want to test out this body with as many people as he could, for the full female experience, before they found a way to turn him male again. “More data. Right.”

“Right,” Rodney agreed. “So make sure you don’t have anything scheduled after dinner for the next few weeks.”

_Oh_ , thought John, and he grinned again. “I’ll clear my calendar.”

*

It took the science team two weeks to find the right entry in the Ancient database and another week after that to get it translated. Then, it was another four days of Rodney and Radek arguing over diagrams before they found a solution.

“I can change back!” said Rodney, sliding into bed next to John at a ridiculously early hour. “I’ll need to completely reconfigure the Ancient genderswap device, which would be nearly impossible except, hello, genius, so it’ll just take a little longer.”

John’s stomach flipped over weirdly, as if it couldn’t decide if he was worried or relieved. Seeing the look on Rodney’s face, he told it firmly that he was relieved, and smiled back. “That’s great, buddy.”

“Yeah,” Rodney agreed. “But the modifications will work better if they’re activated by someone with a natural gene. And that planet has a space ‘gate, so we’ll have to take a puddle jumper. I was… you know, hoping you’d be able to come with me.”

“Sure,” said John. “Yeah, of course.”

“Great!” said Rodney. “I’ll clear everything with Woolsey.”

Still grinning, he leaned in to kiss John goodnight, then settled against John’s shoulder, and was almost instantly asleep.

*

Reconfiguring the Ancient device was, for John, mostly putting both hands on the main console and thinking seemingly-random words at it. Presumably, Rodney and Radek had some sort of plan, but John found that he didn’t want to think about it too much.

He was being selfish, he told himself, annoyed. Rodney would be happier after he’d changed back to himself, and John would be happy for him. Even once Rodney realized that John had no idea what to do with a male body that wasn’t his own, and dumped him to find a friend with better benefits.

But according to Rodney, it was going to take at least a week to reconfigure the thing properly, so John was going to enjoy this while it lasted. He tried to memorize everything— the feel of Rodney’s skin under his hands, the breathy moan he made when John kissed him just behind his left ear, the blue of Rodney’s eyes right before he leaned in to kiss him.

And John knew that his time was running out, which made him a little more obvious than usual. So, he wasn’t entirely surprised when Rodney slid his fingers through John’s hair, the night before they were set to activate the final changes, and said, “Sheppard, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” said John. He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Rodney’s shoulder, listening to his heartbeat. “It’s just a big day tomorrow, that’s all.”

“Don’t you even try lying to me,” said Rodney, but there was no accusation in his voice. “Something is bothering you, and you’re going to tell me what it is.”

He sat up, pushing John upright, too, and John took a deep breath. “I’m just… worried, about tomorrow. Really, that’s all.”

Rodney frowned at him. “You don’t want me to change back, do you?” he said, slowly. “Is it because you think I’m _nicer_ as a woman? That I’m easier to get along with?”

“What?” said John. “Of course not—”

“Because I’ve already had to deal with the second-wave scientists constantly second-guessing me, like somehow I lost brain cells along with my dick. And your soldiers, who seem to think I can’t hear them commenting on my ‘impressive rack’ and how good I might be in bed.”

“ _Which_ of my—” John began, before he realized they’d gotten way off track. “Rodney, that isn’t—”

“Oh, god, it’s your country’s asinine regulations,” Rodney continued. “That’s been repealed for… I don’t actually know how long, but that doesn’t matter, does it? You’re the military commander, you have to worry about your reputation and—”

“I don’t care about the regs or my reputation!” John cried. “I do want you to change back, because that’s who you are, and the way you’re supposed to be. But don’t expect me to be happy that I’m going to lose you.”

John froze, because he hadn’t meant to say that last part.

“Lose me?” Rodney repeated, softly. “Why would you lose me?”

John looked down at the blanket, twisting the fabric in his fingers. “Because I… I hadn’t, not until we… and once you’re _you_ again, I won’t have anything to… and you should have someone who can—”

He broke off, started, as Rodney’s hand closed around his wrist. “Shut up,” Rodney said. “Just shut up. I need a minute to process this.”

“Okay…” John said, and the hand on his wrist tightened.

“I thought you were just repressed,” said Rodney. “And working for a notoriously homophobic government. But you’re actually _straight_ aren’t you?”

“I—” John began, but Rodney interrupted him again.

“Shut up. But you kissed me first, I distinctly remember that. So either you _aren’t_ straight and you _are_ repressed, of it’s just _me_ you’re— oh, my god, is it just me?”

“Yes?” said John, as much a question as an answer. “I am straight, or I was, or I _thought_ I was. All the people I’ve ever been attracted to, let alone slept with— and despite what you think of me being the Pegasus Galaxy’s Kirk, it’s not that many— have been women, so I guess I never really considered any other options.”

“Other…” Rodney repeated, then frowned. “Wait, wait… _Sheppard_. Are you telling me that when we… after the… _that_ was your first time with a guy?”

“Yeah,” said John, and he knew that his ears were flushing pink. “Sorry.”

“Don’t you dare be sorry,” Rodney snapped. “That might not have been the absolute best sex of my entire life, but it was pretty high up there.”

“Really?” John asked, before he could stop himself.

“That’s what you meant, lose me,” said Rodney, with sudden understanding. “You think that once I’m male again, I won’t want to sleep with you. Seriously, Sheppard, did you hit your head or something?”

“It was a legitimate concern,” John protested.

“I will always want to have sex with you, John,” said Rodney, low and decisive. “No matter what gender either of us are, no matter how old we are, no matter what else happens. Got it?”

John grinned. “Yeah.”

“Good,” said Rodney. “How about one more for the road, before I’m me again?”

*

John rested both hands on the device’s main console and pictured Rodney as a man. There was a flash of familiar, too-bright light, and when it faded, Rodney was lying flat on the ground, blinking furiously but inarguably male.

“Oh, this is weird,” he said, sitting up, but he didn’t get any farther, because John had crossed the room to kneel beside him and pull him in for a fierce kiss.

“Let’s go home,” he said, and Rodney grinned, “Yeah.”

THE END


End file.
